Feeling trapped, feeling insane
My head is pounding all over again
Can’t sleep at night or during the day
It’s what it was like in those days
Days when I was eleven to thirteen
I walked around holding in the screams
Screams would tell what it did to me
Scared all the time what was done to me
Persuading me that it wasn’t wrong
All the other kids go right along
OK for you to put your penis inside my legs
You were prepared — you even carried rags
You wanted more — it wasn’t good enough
For me to hold your penis — you wanted me to suck
Suck you off — you said it wouldn’t hurt a bit
But it wasn’t you — you who got sick
Think of it now — want to throw up again
If I shove it down, it comes back again.
Facing my fears
Years of running have come to an end
Facing my fears is helping me mend
A heart that was shattered piece by piece
A soul that was always searching for peace
Reliving the fear, the anger, the pain
Is helping me come together again
Its not all gone — my back’s still tense
The knots tell me — it’s not over yet
The years of abuse — neglect that was done
It left me in shadow instead of the sun
The shadow of darkness can come night or day
Excitement abounds when light comes my way
When energy appears and my heart sings
I know I’ll get through — through everything
But when the pain appears and darkness descends
I know its time to listen — to go within
Honour the hurting and feel the pain
Maybe someday understanding I’ll gain.