Wake up each morning
Bad dreams in my head
My body is aching
Feel like I am dead
Except for the pain
Like I’ve been beaten up
There are no bruises
Just feel shook up
I struggle to get up
To get through the day
What do I want
What can I say
I’m tired of this
Just want to lie down
But if I do
I’m scared I will drown
Drown in the memories
Of long-ago pain
I’m fighting against it
I want to feel sane
I want some ambition
Some energy back
I’m tired of going
Forward and back
To end the pain
I’ve got to go through
Hope the other side
Is not so blue
Is lying down giving in
Giving up on the fight
It’s easy to sleep
If it’s at night
I’m scared to do it
Lay down in the day
I get up, I feel worse
The day seems so grey
It’s hard to make
A decision right now
So much to do
And all I know how
My cheque didn’t come
I’ll be late with my rent
It pisses me off
I feel really spent
Do I do nothing
Or pay what I owe
Then fight Social Services
And feel really low
They don’t want to give me
Excess money for rent
Take it out of my food
Maybe I wasn’t meant
To live life easy
To live life free
Something for nothing
Could I just be
I feel like I’m fighting
The world every day
Will it get easier
Can I ever repay
My aunt who loaned
Money to me
U of R, student loan
I want to be free
Is it the money
Or am I insecure
Scared all the time
Living in fear
Think I’ll make
The best decision I can
Lay down for awhile
And if I can’t stand
The pain of it all
I’ll go for a drive
To the Shelter House
Maybe I’ll cry.